The days of the desiree

jesus i haven't been on here in forever and a day

Mon, 12 Sep 2005 15:07:56 GMT

So yup, nothing real exciting has happened lately, i got a new job as a telemarketer, i worked at dodge over the summer, i am back at school which is fun... or well a lot more fun than i thought it would be blah! yup nothing realy exciting has happened lately, i went to my grandparents over the weekend with my boy friend... that was interesting.... yup.... interesting.... lol... my grandpa is out of his mind he pulled me over to the side and is talking about how he doesn't want the trash cans put out on the street yet because the trash guy doesn't come out until wednesday so he said that it would look "n****rly" it was bad enough that he said that but then he started going into detail about what the word meant, i guess it meant trashy or messy back in the day down south, and then pete walks over and my grandpa says desiree! desiree! tell pete the new word you learned, and i say no i dont want to and he goes come on he needs to know, and i say no he doesn't and he says yes he does, and so he says fine ill tell him and he spells it out for him and starts getting into about how -i'll post more later my teacher wants us to get off

memory

Tue, 28 Jun 2005 04:06:30 GMT

If you read this, even if I don't speak to you often, you must post a memory of me. It can be anything you want, it can be good or bad, earliest or recent, just as long as it happened. Then post this to your journal. See what people remember about you.

actually I don't think I have enough friends on this thing, that have any memories to make this work.. MEH! oh well lol

Stilldream and work

Fri, 24 Jun 2005 18:10:03 GMT

Ok so lets start off with stilldream, Ok so jme and myself decided that we should go and get presale stilldream tickets, so jme goes to get them. but couldn't find them, so we went together and got them, and then we found out that her radio wasn't working and that on accident she pulled a wire, and I felt really really bad for her because she LOVES music, so then we went to wal-mart and got a boombox that had a cd player and used that, so then we finally left town, and as we left we were looking for CA 88 to turn on to, and we see an SR 88 and don't turn onto it, so we go about 40-50 miles passed that, and are kind of like hmmm... we should have turned onto it by now shouldn't we have? so we pull into a gas station and find out that SR-88 is actually just another way of saying CA 88 ... later that night travis informed us of how SR stands for state route… get it… California STATE ROUTE, so yes, we felt thoroughly stupid. So we’re driving, and we get onto 88 and we are going and then all of a sudden it starts hailing, and not only is it hailing theirs thick fog every were, and if you’ve ever been on 88 you know about how scary that would be, because on 88 theirs giant cliffs, and no guard rails, So not only is their thick fog, hail and giant cliffs on either side of us, the fog line is almost gone because of all of the snow and stuff from the winter, it looked like zombies or vampires, or something supernatural was going to pop up and start trying to eat us, like out of the movie sean of the dead, and I always have consecutive nightmares about going off a cliff in a vehicle, and then I wake up right as we hit the ground. So pretty much I’m freaking out and Jme’s almost freaking out, but trying to keep me calm, so she starts just taking up random conversation, and what do you know it works, and then we’re out of the fog, so thank god lol, because you could only see the tree tops of the cedars, and cedars are some damn big trees, so it had to be some kind of drop, also it kept on sloping, so the tree tops disappeared at about the third row, so any whom we went and went and we finally got to the last road that led up to still dream so we were all YAYAYYAYYYAYY!! OWOO, but then we started realizing about how scary that road was, so we sang jingle bells at the top of are loungs all of the way up, which was fun or well, it probably saved us from crying at a few parts lol, because we couldn’t see the road on certain parts so we couldn’t see if we were going to close to the edge or not, then you hit this certain part on the road where theirs this abandoned power plant, and man that place sends you bad vibes all over the place, let me tell you, the same thing happened to everyone and myself, when we went up last year. So we get up their, and we’re just oooh so happy lol. Because the excitement levels had definitely worn off by then because of all of the stuff that had happened on the way up. So we get their and we’re just oooohhh sooooo happy. By this time its about 11:00-12:00 at night so we decide that we’re just going to set up are tent in the morning and we’re just going to sleep in travis’s and glow’s tent. So we get their and I immediately put on all of my raver attire, and get out onto the dance floor, I forgot who it was playing, but they weren’t doing too well, the first reno people I ran into were Roy and Chris Aaron, and it was dandy. So I stayed up for a couple more hours, and then I went to bed because I couldn’t stay awake any longer. So I woke up to I don’t know who’s set, and stepped on glow, because I didn‘t know that he was their, the only person I knew was in the tent was Jme but that’s because she was next to me lol, but I stepped on glow multiple times and he was so messed up the night before he didn‘t even wake up lol, but any whom it was right at the end of whoevers set, and then guess who was playing!!! MR. ROGERS!!! WOOooOWOOOOO. Also, when I got up Mike, Jeremy, and Khierr were there which was cool, because they were one of the only people there who were sober besides myself, everyone else was getting meesseeed up, and it gets really tiring after a while. So I hung out with them multiple times. I also made friends with these two really really cute gay guys one of them was daniel I don’t remember the other ones name but I wandered around with them for bits and pieces of the weekend. As a matter of fact I just wandered around all weekend just introducing myself to random people all over the place, it was fun, I also got to trade kandi with a bunch of people. We also set up jme’s tent, man that thing was SOOO big, it fit 18 people. So then some more time passed and it was about noon I’m assuming, and I had just been wandering around and such and just hanging out, when I started to get hungry, so I went over to the line where the hot dogs were and was right in the middle of asking them if they had boca burgers when I felt a shooting pain in my ass, and something stung me!!! So I started screaming and running around because it hurt so bad, and everybody was staring at me and giving me that “what the fuck are you doing and what kind of drugs are you on look” So I ran around in circles and then ran over to the tent, and made jme look at it, because I had no other choice lol, (thank you jme hehe) and it was spreading and it was all weird looking. So Mener walked me over to the medical tent, it was funny though, because when we walked over there he’s all “this girl is O.D’ing on acid, and the chick goes “your kidding.. Right?“ and then we said yes, and she laughed, and she examined my sting and they said that they thought it was a wasp or bee sting. You know whats funny though? About 15 minutes before that happened, I was at the little gazeebo thing set up at are camp and I was talking with Travis and I think his name was Paul, and I told them I was going to leave because their was 2 bees in the gazeebo thing, and they said “oh you’re a baby, you don’t have to leave, they won’t sting you unless your scared” and then what do you know 15 minutes later I’m not even thinking about them, and I am stung, just randomly while I’m in line. Blah, so then I went and sat in the tent for a wee bit, and went back out and about, and was running around doing random stuff, when I decided that I should call my mom because I didn’t want her to worry, so I heard that if you get to the top of this hill that you get service, so Jeremy came along with me and we were going up this hill and all of a sudden we see this tree, and it is completely brown with no leaves, and its perfectly smooth it was really weird, and we were staring at it, and it looked almost alive like it had skin it was so smooth so I took a picture of it, and we went to the top of the hill, I called my mom and blah blah blah, but later I looked at the picture and it was really really blurry, but I wasn’t moving when I took it, because I was trying to make sure that it came out right. So it was creepy… yep. So then sat around and made kandi with a bunch of kandi kids, and that was fun, especially since they had some really cool beads. And then out of no where came… SUPER MENER!!! Hahha that was great, mener came out and ran all around the camp in his boxers and a giant red cape. Twas funny twas funny, I have some funny pictures of it. So then I went back to kandi making and then zapper’s set came and it was insane!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I love his live P.A.’s Love them love them love them. And I took lots of pictures of it, and it was cool. So then the rest of the night went, I jumped on all of the trampolines, eek, I feel bad for glow, he was jumping on one and did a back flip, and then when he landed, he landed on his back/head, and he really messed up his spine I guess. So we jumped around, and then I just wandered, and danced, and just stuff like that. It then was about 10 I’m assuming, and I was going in the tent for something, and I looked at my sleeping bag, and the blankets, and bed and stuff we had, and I just crashed, lol, so I missed all of the headliners, so then I woke up in the morning, and ran around for a little bit saying good bye to everyone I met. And that was that, OOH OOH dude! When Mike, Khierr, Jeremy and Josh were putting away their tent, I saw this HUUUGGGE SPIDER!! It looked like a little turantula I took two pictures of it. So yes, that’s about all the exciting stuff that I can remember right now that happened at still dream, it was an awesome time, and it sucks for all of you who missed it. Yeah, so jme and I went back down the hill and stuff, and we noticed it wasn’t half as scary as it was in the dark. But on a side note. RIP the punisher. I don’t know if any of you guys who read this know him, but I met him a few different times, at lollipop love, still dream, and other parties, that I can’t remember right now. He was a really funny guy, I give all of my condolences to everyone in corporal punishment, especially his two brothers Beast and Jetson, and to all of his friends and family, I’m very sorry for you guys loss. SO yes, the following day I started work I now am an official employee at dodge! WOOO go me!! It’s my first job where I’m actually working long hours I work Monday-Thursday 7-4. Originally they were going to have me working from Monday-Friday 7-4, but they told me Monday through Thursday is fine. I’m in the sun almost all day out there, except for at lunch, so I’m sooo tan lol. It’s kinda cool. It’s definitely easy money. My boss Jay, didn’t like me at first because I was a girl, but I guess now, he really likes me which is really saying a lot, because I guess he doesn’t like anyone. So that was kind of cool. SO yup pretty much I’ve been working all of this week, and yesterday was my Friday, and tomorrow I’m going to SF which makes me sooo excited weeeee!!! I <3 SF, So yup that will be fun. I’ll try to write about it when I come home on the 29th, if I’m not to busayyyyyy. So yes. That is alllll. Man work has been keeping me from updating this damn fingimagig so sorry to all of you who care lol.

What a fabulous day

Thu, 16 Jun 2005 02:05:38 GMT

Well today was a pretty bad ass day because my mom went to her first AA meeting, I went with her. I am really really happy for her. I haven't felt this kind of joy for some time. It feels so good to know that she's really trying to help herself, and that she's serious this time. They say that their is a silver lining to every situation, and I think that this is the silver lining to her stroke. It's a nice feeling to know that life is finally going good. I'm scared though, because fathers day is creeping up on me. I'm questioning on how I'm going to react on that day, because this has been a pretty crazy year. Also, my 16th birthday is coming up and that will be weird as well. Oh well though. I'll survive. So yes.. that is all I can really think of right now.

so little time! twitches

Wed, 15 Jun 2005 07:18:04 GMT

Wow, It's so weird to actually be busy for once lol. Tomorrow I have to go to the school and do some agriculture stuff, and then I have to go to the gym with my mom, and then I am going to go meet up with old friends at about 4 or 5ish. Then on thursday I have to go mail off stuff at the post office, I also have to do something else, I forgot what. And then on friday guess what it is!!! GUESS GUESS GUESS!! ok I'll tell you, its.... STILLDREAM!!! YAYAYYAYAYAYYAYAYAYAYAYAYYAYAYAYAYAYYAYAYAYAYAYY, I'm sooo excited, This will be my second stilldream campout I am excittteeddd!!And then I come back on sunday and have the rest of sunday and monday to rest, and then on tuesday I start my new job. I will be working at dodge wooo! money money money, WAIT! i figured out what the other thing I'm going to do on thursday! I'm going to go try for my permit. I also am going to go to the gym with my mom. Today was a good day. I pretty much spent the day with Pete, and I got some new star beads WEEEEEEEEE! How happy that makes me. Man I really need to get mah ass working on this kandi making thing then for I can mail off the kandi on thursday like I said I would. So exciiitttinnngggg... this is a picture of the hello kitty piece I made the other day that I like. Yup so thats all that I can really think of writing for now. So good bye

Good bye.

Mon, 13 Jun 2005 01:23:56 GMT

So my auntie left today, and that was sad... She'll be back though. I went to the gym and tanned out by the swimming pool, so I'm all tan and junk now, go me!! Man, I have to make a decision, I either get a job, or summer school, if I go to summerschool, then I go to summerschool and get lots of good credits, and stuff, and if I work for dodge, then I have money, but if I do get the job its from 8-4, so I will pretty much have no time on my week days... I don't know my days yet, and if I go to summer school its only from 8-12, and I have to work at the farmers market. We also do lots of stuff with plants, and writing and stuff. SO I'm debating on what I should do. I need money... but I also want to graduate early... What to do what to do.... Also, I'm scared that if I have this job, I won't be able to go to SF and that will be bad, so I have to find out about that. What to do what to do... Meh, OH well, Anywhom, today was an ok day, I woke up in a irritable mood, and was kind of mean to pete, but I'm going to apologize tomorrow. It was also a sad day because my aunt is gone now. Man, its so weird that tomorrow is the last day of school. This school year flied by sooo fast. Soo SO so fast.It was a fun one. Graduation was especially fun. Yup. Well thats all, maybe something will happen later that I will write about.

Today...

Sun, 12 Jun 2005 07:19:31 GMT

Well, today was a very good day, I went up to tahoe with my boy friend, my aunt, and my mom. It was a fun day. I'm slightly worried though, because Pete brang up a really weird thing today. He asked me if he was holding me back on fulfilling my life, because he doesn't agree with some of the crazy stuff that I do. Like Base jumping, tattoos, bizzare piercings, etc. I can except that though, because it's one of those things, where I love it, but its not a neccessity, its just those crazy dreams you know, that you probably are never going to do, but you like to just dream and talk about how fun and/or cool it would be, but when he asked me that it felt like he was asking if he wanted to end are relationship, and that scared me, because I love him like no other, and I wouldn't want to lose him. It wasn't like one of those things, where he wanted to end it with me, it was one of those things, where he was asking me if I'd be happier without him. For some reason it made me feel wierd, because I know wehre I'd be without him right now, and I don't like where I'd be, and I think I'd go down a bad path without him. If it weren't for him I'd probably be dropping at almost every party, drinking, frying, and smoking lots of green. I don't like that thought it kind of scares me that I know I'd be that person. I like who I am now, and that I don't do drugs, it makes me happy, and the thought of losing him scares me even more. I mean sure, it may be one of those things where, it may not last forever, but right now it feels like it, and I guess it's right now that counts, and its really fun to think that it will maybe last forever. He brings out a good person in me, and I think right now in life, I really don't need drugs or alcohol, because I have enough on my plate as it is with at home issues, why do I need the extra stress and guilt? I have fun, and love being sober. Life is a natural high as it is, I think that we should all just be happy for living ya know? Why do you need things to mess it up? I really just don't understand what the big thing is about doing drugs, I mean I've did a lot of them back in the day I mean I'm only 15 and can say that I've done: acid, ecstacy, marijuana, shrooms, tons of diet pills, caffeine pills, vicodin, zanax, alcohol, methodone, etc. etc. and if you want to count all of the stuff that the ecstacy I did was cut with you'd also add heroine, coke, speed, and other types of hallucinogens. I mean, I know I wasn't as bad as other people, I can still say that I'm a virgin, and that I haven't actually done: coke, speed, or heroine, on purpose. I don't know, these are just thoughts spilling out of my head, because they are running through my mind. Alls I know right now is that I'm really happy with Pete right now, and that I hope that things stay the same, because I like being happy. I like the fact that I'm not doing drugs, I used to have the most horriblest time thinking about how much I cared about my mom and stuff when I did them. It was the horriblest feeling ever. Especially when I used to come down from e, wow, those were some of the worst experiences ever I being so cracked out, and just wanting to go to sleep, and I'd sit in my bed and toss and turn and toss and turn and toss and turn, and try to think of ways to go to sleep, and then I'd think about killing myself, because is what ecstacy does, is it drags out all of the serotonine in your brain, and serotonine is what makes you happy. Imagine, not being able to be happy, because you used it all up in one night. Thats how people get really messed up by doing ecstacy to much. THey start dragging out serotonine that they don't have. So your body starts dragging other nutrients out, and its all just one big mess. It's like having a credit card, and buying everything you want all at once, and you soon your credit card is maxed out, and then you realize that you aren't goign to be able to pay it off... I'm just happy that those days are gone now. Ok, enough about drug talk. I watched the movie Party monster. That was an awesome movie, I'm going to have to read the book. Stilldream is this upcoming weekend, I'm soooo excited SOO SOOO SOOOOO excited! you don't even know. AHHHHH lol. Yes. Well, that has been my day, and you got to hear about a bunch of stuff you probably don't want to know about, oh well lol.

pathetic

Sat, 11 Jun 2005 04:03:37 GMT

So today was the 5th day in a row I was almost late for school because I was watching the fairly odd parents lol. That is pathetic. I just got back from graduation, it was very very very fun. Good times, good times were had. I found out that I actually like publicly speaking, I had fun saying that little speach thing for Toby. Weird... Usually peoplle hate it, but I find it fun. Maybe one of these days I'll become a famous animal activist speaker, who speaks at rallies or something.

Holy Crap

Wed, 08 Jun 2005 04:46:09 GMT

Wow, this last week of school is going by soooo fast. It's craziness, I think it's the fact that all of this week is half days, or something. I'm going to miss the people who aren't coming back to Rainshadow next year. It'll be sad, but I figure I'll see everybody again some how. That's how it always goes, even if it's just walking throught the store or something like that, I'll see them. I have to say though, this has deffinitely been my favorite year of high school. Talking just about today though, today was a good day, I went and got a lot of new string, for kandie making, and I got some new alphabet beads, that are boxy and glittery. YAY FOR HAVING NEW BEADS AND STRING!!! I also got to go to starbucks and get a tazo chai tea frappucino, which made my day, because now since all I drink is water.... thats spoiling myself lol.

Life

Mon, 06 Jun 2005 16:47:39 GMT

So, I'm getting a job when school gets out at Dodge, its guaranteed, because my moms boy friend works their, and he promised it to me. Then I keep on thinking though, do I really want a job this summer? Then I think that I do because if I don't I have no money. A thing that bugs me though, is I have some stuff planned that I've been wanting to do alllll winter, and now I may not be able to do it... But I doubt that will happen. On a happier note, I found out about a bunch of new websites that are awesome, Like kanditrade. That place is sooo awesome, whoever came up with it is a genius lol. Its a website where you trade kandi by mail, it's freaking awesome lol. I'm pethetic I miss pete all ready lol. Oh well, I lurv him, heh. Ugh, Soo... What else is happening, blah! finals are today... how scary, but I know that I'll pass because It's rainshadow, and Rainshadow stuff is easssyyyy. Yup, Well I can't really think of anything else to say. So I'll write more later today...

Wooo

Sun, 05 Jun 2005 05:33:31 GMT

So today was a good day, I hung out with pete for most of it. I still wish that I would have just accepted logna's money offer, and gone to this is for the freaks, because a lot of my favorite dj's were playing, but I'll live. My mom is doing a lot better now since her stroke, she only has some short term memory problems. For instance, the other day she lost her keys, and she couldn't find them, so she went out and had to go buy a new pair, or she'll set her glasses in her back pack, and start searching for them even though she just set them down 10 seconds ago lol, but I'm really really greatful that she's doing good, because for a while their, I was really sad about the situation. I can see now though that it was for the best that it happened. That sounds horrible, I know, but now she finally is having the resting time she needs, she's not working 12 hour shifts and working 6 days a week, or sometimes having not one day off for up to 14 days, she's actually enjoying herself. Also, this way I get to see her more often, oddly enough, I notice that now that she's around more often, we don't fight as much, it's kind of weird. You'd think it would be the exact opposite, and that we'd be at each others throat, because I'm used to being by myself. It's really nice though to have some company though, you know? I never realized about how lonely I was until I had someone always around and stuff. I'm not used to it, because I don't have any brothers or sisters or anything, so its a nice change, it's just going to suck when she goes back to work at the end of August, because then I will be all alone again. Oh well, I don't have to worry about that for some time, and maybe by then I'll be wanting it again? I'm not sure, but things will always work out for the best, they always do, So yes, I can't really think of anything else to say, so I'm going to go now. Bye!

The child from hell

Sat, 04 Jun 2005 05:49:38 GMT

This is a poem I wrote a while ago, feel free to criticize. Oh... and many of you guys didn't know me when I wrote this, it was a few years ago, so you may be kind of confused by the words in it, or well how im describing myself in it... I don't know it's kind of weird, I sometimes wish I had a recorder that could record all of my thoughts in my head, then for I can look back, and know what I was thinking when I wrote this stuff lol.

The child from hell has no heart
the child from hell will tear you apart
the child was mean to her dad
the child from hell was always sad

the child from hell never showed her anger
the child from hell was a complete stranger
she didnt even know herself
she fell in love with a guy who was in love with himself

but you see you cant blame her completely
well in a way you could
she made you feel how no one should
she could make your day go from bad to worse

some how she never cried over her own dads death
she gets angry at the thought as she takes in each breath
everytime you saw her and looked in her eyes
you could tell that at night she cries and cries

at first she never meant to be mad, sad, or bad
she felt like it was all seh could have
she feltlike it was the only way out
you could tell if you saw her pout

eventually she shut herself in
she couldnt talk because if she did she wouldn't know where to begin
she has lots of friends that love her
but some how she felt that the love between them and her was getting thinner

When people met her they think she is insane
when really her acting stupid is a weird way of releasing pain
she had an idea in her head that god didnt exist
once again it was just another way to resist

when her dad died it changed her in so many ways
i think that when her dad died it made her life a haze
if you saw her you'd never expect who she could be
she looked innocent, but she isnt she is the child from hell dont you see
.... this child is me

Sooo....

Sat, 04 Jun 2005 01:04:40 GMT

Today was an ok day, nothing too exciting happened. I actually went home sick, so that's kind of exciting. Right? Well, not really lol, but anywhom yeah im new to this live journal thing, and i have no friends. Which makes me sad. :( humm what else what else... Well I can't really think of anything, so I guess I'll post more later.